thoughts.

forgetting where im from... lost in the ways of this world. my soul cries out for something more, and yet it is only met with the temporary. i close my eyes and remember the places I have come from. Jesus. One man, one name i could never describe. he has come to save me. i feel trapped i feel lost.

am i being fake? or is this really who I am? am i the hypocrite... who am I to say? what am i... who am i... where has my first love gone. where has the passion gone... rip my heart to pieces and yet i am satisfied.. the comforts of his word... oh so delightful but my wickedness and selfishness take control and begin to abuse. I want to be a lover not a hater and yet its so hard to express so hard to be kind what is this demon that has pushed on to me to have a grip..

I cry out o God save me from such things.. take me away from these things.. cleanse me refine me. I want to scream but I cant. I want to shout but I cant. I want to explode and just give up yet something urges me on.

Show me. No, don't show me. I know the truth, I just need to believe in the truth. I don't need a show to believe, i need to believe to see. Then I will see what I could not have seen. Then I don't look for what was never there. Hold me caress me give me intimacy. No more excuses this is who I am. Messed, Wretched, Disastrous, in need of help. Save me. Hosanna.. hosanna hosanna.. hallelujah praise be His name.