NO laptop...

My laptop's hard drive failed on me couple weeks ago. Ever since, I've been on no computer mode at UCR. I've been going to the computer lab at Watkins every other day to work on anything computer-related, but I think it's getting to me because I have a bunch of photos and videos on my camera I can't store along with other things.

So I have a couple options:
1. Buy a new hard drive (but it might break as well like the past 2 hdd)
2. Take my macbook and hopefully get the casing replaced
3. Buy a new macbook. BLEH

thoughts.

forgetting where im from... lost in the ways of this world. my soul cries out for something more, and yet it is only met with the temporary. i close my eyes and remember the places I have come from. Jesus. One man, one name i could never describe. he has come to save me. i feel trapped i feel lost.

am i being fake? or is this really who I am? am i the hypocrite... who am I to say? what am i... who am i... where has my first love gone. where has the passion gone... rip my heart to pieces and yet i am satisfied.. the comforts of his word... oh so delightful but my wickedness and selfishness take control and begin to abuse. I want to be a lover not a hater and yet its so hard to express so hard to be kind what is this demon that has pushed on to me to have a grip..

I cry out o God save me from such things.. take me away from these things.. cleanse me refine me. I want to scream but I cant. I want to shout but I cant. I want to explode and just give up yet something urges me on.

Show me. No, don't show me. I know the truth, I just need to believe in the truth. I don't need a show to believe, i need to believe to see. Then I will see what I could not have seen. Then I don't look for what was never there. Hold me caress me give me intimacy. No more excuses this is who I am. Messed, Wretched, Disastrous, in need of help. Save me. Hosanna.. hosanna hosanna.. hallelujah praise be His name.